My Love! My Life!
by The TrendSetter
Summary: I seem to attract the wrong kind of attention - always - not exactly from men - but from those around me - from those who know nothing of me or my life. Although I was in love with Vineet - and only Vineet, I seemed to send wrong signals to others - again, not to other men, but to those who see me and think its their birthright to judge me.
1. Chapter 1

**My Love! My Life!**

**A/N: ** If you've come here expecting the usual kind of love story: the one with the 'boy meets girl – they fall in love – they get married – and they live happily ever after' types, this is not for you! But Hey!... In case….. Just in case you are looking for something unusual, this is for you. Dedicated to the few of you who look forward to reading unusual stories.

…..

25th August 2024

***tring… tring.. tring….***

**Hello… Haan beta.. Mama will be there next week.. Yes.. sure baby.. I will bring you the doll you wanted… until then, be a good girl and do your homework on time… Don't trouble Shreya aunty… ok… Mama will call you again in the night… ok… bye… **

…..

I am Purvi.

Sr. Inspector Purvi, CID., to be more precise. I was on an official visit to Rajasthan, but decided to spend a week in Delhi before I head back to Mumbai. I had informed Vineet about my trip and he had offered to pick me up from the airport. He was there, dot on time, and here we are sitting at one of the quietest restaurant in the capital.

It is almost ten years since I last sat with him, alone, like this. To be honest, I'm not sure when I last spent time with him, alone. The quick hug and a soft peck on the cheek, back at the airport felt very nice – not because it was after a long time, but because, as much as I would like to deny, I was waiting for it.

Nothing has actually changed between us for years. We were sitting with our plates, talking and laughing about everything else in the world, other than us. We had never been vocal about our feelings to each other, not as much as we should have, not as much as I would have liked it to be.

Ok. Wait.. Let me take you through my past.. **Flashback**, as they call it in movies. Close your eyes…. Imagine the mosquito coil going in the anti-clockwise direction.

***Pause***

Saw that? Good! Now you are ready to go through the rest of my story. Open your eyes and read on…

…

Just like most of bollywood love stories, Vineet and I were colleagues in the department, way back in 2012-13. We were also from the same city and so ended up having a lot of common friends. Our on-duty trips made us connect with each other and as time passed, we had fallen in love with each other.

"It was a beautiful night in September….."

Well, I'd love to say that, but being in CID, unfortunately does not give you that kind of an opportunity. So, I'll stick to the truth. It was a bloody night in September. A maniac in the city was on a killing spree and had already made 14 innocent people his victims even before we were aware of the situation. In short, there was blood everywhere we looked, and any more description is sure to gross you out.

Being the junior-most officers in the team sure had its own demerits. And looking for evidences on a dark windy night, in the middle of a bloody road was one of them. But yeah, that's besides the point. So it was on this day that he chose to tell me those three beautiful words. I didn't have to think before saying a yes – be it in the middle of a bloody road, or atop the white Himalayas – the place didn't matter at all. He said it and I was glad.

But unlike most couples, we did not declare our relationship to the world – in fact, there wasn't much we spoke to each other (about this) after that. We did not go to parks and beaches and hardly spent time alone with each other (I repeat, like most other couples). I don't remember if he likes music like I do of if he liked cricket and football. I don't even remember what he liked to eat, all I remember is that I always had a good time with him.

I knew he told little white lies, sometimes just to make me smile and sometimes even to make me jealous – but it really never bothered me. I might have forgotten what he said, but I've never forgotten how he made me feel! (and thats what matters.. isn't it?)

I came from a dysfunctional family (hey, who doesn't?) My father, (Ok. Yeah he adopted me. So what?) had his own problems and a number of relationships (another common thing in today's world), mostly with wrong people. Of course, he tried keeping it to himself, but he never realized that it bothered me. I needed someone to confide in, but I didn't know if I could talk about it to any of my uncles and if it would be of any help. I wasn't sure if talking to any of my friends and colleagues would help me, I was afraid they would judge me and shun me. All I wanted to do was have someone to talk to, and that's how this friendship began, though I hardly told him any of my problems.

I think we both had our problems and though we both wanted each other desperately, we refused to open ourselves to each other. At least, that is what my guess is as, even today, 10 years later; we still don't talk about the negative side of our lives. We were sub-inspectors with CID, Mumbai when we spent most time with each other without anyone noticing the change in us. A year later, he was transferred to the Special Bureau, Kolkata and later to Delhi, while I remained in Mumbai (I still do).

Somehow, we never spoke of our love or what we wanted out of it. Actually (now I feel guilty about it) I didn't even go to the airport to see him off. It must have hurt him real bad, I'm sure.

….

**Heart of hearts all I wanted was a hug, just to show that everything was alright, nothing more. But his unexpected peck on the cheek, made the whole thing more special.**

…...

A year had passed before I could talk to him again. I didn't have his address, no phone number, no nothing. By now, I had shifted my residence closer to the hospital where papa was undergoing treatment for his amnesia. He too had moved to Delhi after his brief stint with the Special bureau in Kolkata.

All of a sudden, it started all over again – We had managed to get each others numbers and started keeping in touch though messages. Again, we wrote about everything on the face of the earth – all except our feelings for each other. This continued for a few months and then I suddenly broke up with him. It wasn't by choice..

Wondering why? Hang on….


	2. Chapter 2

As such, somehow, I seem to attract the wrong kind of attention from people, always! Though I was/am in love with Vineet – and only Vineet, I seem to send wrong signals – not to men, but to those who watch me and think its their birthright to judge me. Somehow, they seem to take my smiling face and talkative nature as either being loose or conclude that I am in love with the person I call for help when I'm in trouble or when someone's shirt color even remotely matches mine or when I share a joke with someone or even stand next to someone during any of the felicitation events. The funniest was the time I was linked with someone coz his name appeared next to mine in the attendance register!

In short, I have been linked with most of my colleagues – Daya sir, Sachin sir, Rajat sir, Pankaj and now even Kavin sir (surprisingly, they seem to have left out the person I was really dating – Vineet). Once something like this happens, I feel I have done wrong to Vineet and break up with him, and this is exactly what happened!

…

A few months passed, this time an outsider, who was a witness in one of our previous cases, came to me and seriously proposed – I gave up and gave in. My relationship with Vineet was getting nowhere, and here I sat in the bureau giving ideas to people that just by chatting with fellow officers, I was in love with them. It was guilt that drove me to saying a yes to this guy.

To cut the long story short, we got married alright, but sadly the marriage never worked. It was a disaster from day one. Niel (that's his name!) was fascinated with his wife being a CID officer, but could never come to terms with the fact that she (I) had erratic working hours. He had a problem with that. I, on the other hand, could never image having such an ignorant man for a husband. So that's it. We split, though I was pregnant and was on leave.

…..

In the meantime, Vineet again appeared in my life. I was still in Mumbai and he in Delhi. It was still a long distance affair though. The only saving grace, this time, was the fact that we moved beyond SMSes and started sending mails and talking on the phone. It was nevertheless difficult because I could reach him on his personal phone only at night and he hardly checked emails.

Things were looking positive as we still loved each other, but yet again, a disaster! I met with an accident and although there was no physical hurt and my baby was safe, I was diagnosed with trauma induced Rheumatoid Arthiritis.

Rheumatoid Arthiritis ? Bah.. Whatever was that? I wasn't very sure.. But I assumed it to be a major terminal disease that would leave me crippled for the rest of my life. Whatever would happen to my career in CID then?

I was going through major depression coping with my arthiritis and trying to convince my family why I should go ahead with the divorce when I started having complications in my pregnancy. I was advised a complete bed rest with no electronic ray emanating devices within ten meters of my existence. There goes my only solace – my phone sessions with Vineet. I fought and cried and did every other thing possible to be able to continue that, but finally gave in. I could not present myself in front of Vineet the way I was, could I? How can I face him after all of this?

…

**Shreya was my best friend and she was the one who stood by me through all this. She took time off to be with me whenever possible and motivated me when I felt low. She sat up all night rocking Li'l Rhea when she wouldn't sleep and yet went to work the next morning without complaining. What would I do without her – was a question I've asked myself a million times, if not more, the last 10 years.**

…

A few months later, Rhea turned one. An event to rejoice, it was. Especially since I had by then, with the help of physiotherapists learnt to walk yet again (my CIDian career still holds a chance). An over excited Shreya, with the help of other equally over excited officers, had planned for an extravagant birthday party. Vineet was invited as well, and he did come. I was meeting him after three years and wanted to run and hug him. But no, I kept my calm, didn't show any emotions and just kept smiling.

He got married soon after.

….

Vineet knows nothing about what happened in my life, except that my marriage was a disaster and that now, I am a single mother to seven-year-old Rhea. He sees pictures of me on Facebook and comments on them. He thinks I am having a wonderful life with Rhea and I don't tell him anything.

From my point of view, he is living a very happy life and I am genuinely happy for him. His wife is such a wonderful person and a good friend of mine now. He has a son and he seems to be such a doting father, that I end up envying his wife.

…

**On a more serious note, what right do I have to envy her? I never utilized even one, from the many opportunities I had, to be with him. What was the point crying over spilt milk now? I never once told him my love. I never once told him I cared. I never once admitted that he meant a lot to me. It was my fault. I could have ignored what others said. And yet I chose to pay heed to others instead of that of the man who loved me, who I loved. It took me a long time to realize that tongues will wag. But making the decision was in my hands and unfortunately for me, I didn't make a wise decision then.**

….

The last time I met him was at the bureau when he had come down to Mumbai with his family. I saw how happy he was with his family and didn't want to disturb him ever….

….

Now, its time for the mosquito coil again. This time though, it turns in the clockwise direction, bringing you to the present.

We finish our lunch and Vineet drops me at my hotel. He insisted that I stay at his place, but I politely refused and so he offers to drop me at the hotel and I accept.

We would be meeting again tomorrow – at his place. His wife has invited me over for the day - breakfast, lunch and tea. I will definitely go.

I love him to bits – just the way I love my Rhea. I know people around me will find me wrong. Being in love with a married man is a sin, they would say. Who are they to judge me? I've learnt (the hard way) not to let other people control my thoughts.

I don't want Vineet in bed, I want him in my heart and that's it!

We are both traveling in two different boats in two different seas and I wouldn't want to rock either of them. Life will continue, we will still be in touch with each other. I will keep longing to see his comment on my facebook page.

I am not sure how he feels about all of this. And I don't even want to know. We spent most of our time talking about nothing, but I just so desperately want him to know that all those nothings mean so much more to me, than so many other somethings!

Life goes on. I know for sure that tomorrow morning I will wake up and head to his house and spend time with him and his family as though nothing ever happened between us. My love for him will give me the courage to go on. And some day, he will understand why I did all that I did..

….

***tring… tring.. tring….***

*** Shreya calling***

Its Rhea, I know, from Shreya's phone. Must be for some help with her Math-homework.

Its time for me to go and get back to my duties as a mother and at the same time quietly grow my love for Vineet, so that it doesn't die or wane away. And its time for you to get back to your work or read another story!

...

**A/N: **This story was never written with the intention of hurting anyone.'RajVi' 'SachVi' 'DayaVi' 'KaVi' or 'Pankaj-Purvi' fans, Sorry! This wasn't meant to offend you. I am sorry if it did. I truly am!

Good day and May your love, grow!


End file.
